Why I Hate Spring and Especially Summer

What an unpopular opinion that is, but it's mine. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word "hate". That's a bit strong. How about "loathe" or "despise". I guess they're pretty strong words too though. I must be the only
person on the face of the planet who feels the way I do. And it's this time every year when I feel so disconnected with everybody else. It seems everyone just loves loves LOVES the hot humid sticky air that is barreling down on us as we speak. I think you're all insane.



Just this morning, the weather girl said, with a great big toothy grin, that we are setting record high temperatures for this time of year. Oh goody. I guess that means I can begin my record high electric bills that I get from using my central air conditioning. The other two reporters sitting on the panel were also beside themselves with glee as they talked about how hot it was going to get in the next couple of days. I felt like smacking them, I really did.

Along with the hot oppressive air, comes the bees and wasps. One of the reasons I felt like I wanted to write this article today was because I had my very first battle with a wasp in my bedroom this morning. There he was, a big gigantic black wasp crawling on the window pane. I knew it was imperative that I get him out of my bedroom, because if I didn't, I know I would be laying in bed tonight and imagining him crawling on me. So I had to get him. I've never had any luck with swatting wasps with a flyswatter. The plastic on the flyswatters are too thin and limp and they don't really do any damage to the wasp. If I use one and try to swat the wasp, it just manages to provoke him and make him mad. Then he comes after me. I learned THAT lesson a while ago. So I have a spray that I bought in Home Depot that does the trick. The only problem with that is that it smells highly toxic. So I did battle with the big black wasp this morning and I won. However, my bedroom now smells like a major chemical dump. Maybe I'll try lighting a scented candle later, but I'm worried the fumes will catch fire. See what I go through?
Hot weather buffs always talk about how they love to open up their windows and let in the fresh air. What fresh air? You mean those huge clouds of yellow pollen that drift in through my screens? You mean THAT fresh air?
Yeah I try that now and then. And you know what happens? My eyes itch, my nose runs, I get these little bumps on my skin that I scratch till they bleed. Ah, yes. Let me take another big whiff of that fresh spring air. I can always take a Claritin later when it gets too bad.

While I'm complaining, let me tell you about the traffic in my neighborhood at this time of year. We live right near a major road that goes to the seashore. It seems as soon as the temperature hits seventy degrees, thousands of people from every state nearby, decide to go to the seashore. And they love the road that's near here because it's a direct route that will eventually get you to the beach. It doesn't matter that it's bumper to bumper traffic and everyone is reduced to going ten miles an hour for long stretches of road. They're happy because they're going to the seashore and everybody loves going to the seashore when it gets hot out, right? But for those of us in this neighborhood, if we decide we want to go to our local Wawa and buy a gallon of milk, good luck to us trying to cross that major road. God forbid any one of those cars crawling to the seashore should pause for two seconds and allow us access to the other side. We can't have that. It might delay their arrival at the seashore and bump into their beach time. So we wait till off hours to make our deli run. That's somewhere between midnight and dawn.

And don't you just love it when, during the hot hazy days of summer, you first get into your car and can't breathe because the air inside is hotter than an oven set on broil? And you're really in trouble if you have leather seats and your bare leg touches it for a split second. And my citronella candles lining the railing on my deck usually melt in the midday sun , hiding the little wick so that it's impossible to re-light them. I have to go buy more. Besides the bees and wasps, there are a lot of other lovely bug creatures that decide to come out of hiding and make their appearance. Just like that two inch long spider that walked right in the front door with me yesterday as I was carrying in my groceries. I had flip flops on, so I wasn't sure if they were strong enough to kill the spider if I stepped on it. So I yelled for hubby who came to my rescue. I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't here.
Oh, and let's not forget about sweating. Yes, sweating. That wonderful feeling you get as soon as you venture into the outdoors and do anything more physical than walking to your car. I don't understand people who like
to garden, I really don't. I tried it once or twice in my life and didn't care for it. It was hot, I felt sweaty, it was dirty, it hurt my knees, and all I could think of was that I could, at that very moment, go buy any flowers and/or fresh produce I want at the produce stand or the supermarket. Why go through that ordeal then? I just don't get it.

Okay I need to wrap up this tirade. During this time of year, I'm so irritable that my family and friends are ready to ship me off to Alaska. Is it still cold in Alaska when it's summer here? I'm not really sure. I'd like to go there if it's cold, but then again Sarah Palin is there and I sure don't want to see the likes of her. Maybe I'll just crank up the air conditioner and start my hibernation period. That way all you crazy people can enjoy your summer without hearing me complain. I'll venture out in the Fall when that crisp cool Canadian air comes wafting through my neighborhood once again. Ah, I can't wait.